January 27th, 2015

Superbowl XLIX Preview: Deflated Balls v. Stanford Educated Thugs

(Photo Credit: Elaine Thompson/Associate Press)

If you don’t keep up with the NFL (thanks for clicking on this article and getting views, but WHY?!) this year’s Super Bowl might seem a bit like an episode of Maury Povich featuring 200+ pound professional athletes.  On one side you have the Seattle Seahawks and Richard Sherman, who really burst out onto the scene before last year’s Super Bowl when he cut a WWE style promo upon completion of the NFC Championship game that left Erin Andrews more than a little at a loss for words.  His opponent is the rolex wearin’, championship ring wearin’, kiss stealin’, practice recordin’, ball deflatin’, jet flyin’ son of a gun Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.

The problem is that this game is more than deflated balls going up against professional wrestlers.  People are going to witness one of the best pass defense teams in the league going against one of the best passing offenses in the league (and best total yardage offense).  The Seattle Seahawks are holding teams to 200.5 yards passing per game in the post season while the New England Patriots are racking up 314 yards through the air during the same time.  As a Saints fan it is hard to admit but Tom Brady is probably the best passing quarterback in the league right now (come fight me Peyton fans but deep in those cold, black Tennessee Volunteer hearts of yours you know the truth).  His Seahawk counterpart, Russell Wilson, is one of the best dual threat quarterbacks playing the game.  In the words of the great poet Ace Hood, Wilson hustles hard, racking up 217 yards per game through the air and 56 on the ground compared to Brady’s 256 yards per game thrown and 3.6 on the ground.  Having no personal stake in the game is going to make for a great show as you see two quarterbacks with varying styles go up against each other in a match up that is sort of “new school versus old school” with the way these two command their offenses.

In the regular season the Seahawks defense are number one in both total yards per game and passing yards per game while the Patriots were ranked 13th in total yards.  It is going to be a classic game of offense v. defense, but the story for America is going to be focusing more so on the quarterbacks.  The world loves a good against evil story and they will be painting Brady as evil, Wilson as good.  Russell is the kind of guy that seems like he would walk around downtown Seattle putting coins in people’s expired meters.  Brady, on the other hand, is a pretty boy dude married to a model who seems about as relatable to the common man as Kim Jong Un Supreme Leader (in case his hackers are looking).

The Seahawks will have their hands full with the Patriots but not full of Tom Brady’s balls.

“When I felt them, they were perfect. I wouldn’t want anyone touching those. I would zip those things up and lock them away until I got on the field and had the opportunity to play with them.” 

tom brady gif

Regardless of what people think about #DeflateGate (I thought #Ballghazi was a more catchy name, but what do I know) this is the Super Bowl everyone would have wanted.  It should actually be a competitive game, sorry Broncos but I’m looking at you with that comment, so hopefully people will put the balls jokes aside and enjoy the game.

About the Author

Michael Gray

Law student, recovering musician, writer, Stark of Winterfell.


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